I've been thinking about some of what I believe I've been learning during this season of my life.

With the birth of Arrow, along with other struggles taking place at the same time, forced a halt on the full-steam-ahead lifestyle. This inspired me to choose present over perfect, like Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, instead of being Martha, scrambling to try to be a perfect host. Like Peter jumping out of the boat to be with Jesus instead of working out his perfect logic. To be with Christ and to abide in Him, can have miraculous outflow. To be a present mommy to Arrow, instead of trying to be a perfect mommy, gives me freedom. To be a present wife, instead of the perfect wife empowers me. To really listen with my heart instead of trying to first formulate a perfect response, I am given room to grow and feel.

I think at the end of my life, I can look back and be full of joy & peace, knowing that I was there, present, and walking close in Spirit & abiding with my Savior. I can know I was at rest with putting down the measuring stick, or I could look back, saddened by the fact that I missed so much by never resting in Christ's love for me. I don't want to give up perfect peace and choose, instead, to wrestle the beast of perfection and be worn out, never to have attained it. A yearning to be with Christ and in Christ will make me more like Christ. A yearning to be perfect like Christ, apart from His presence, apart from abiding and resting in Him, leaves me worn, tired and empty. For in our own strength we fail, but with Him we find fullness of joy and life abundant.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

- Audrey McElveen